Interesting Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Pathetic Injuries

In Injuries, Top Ten on February 4, 2012 at 8:44 am

A good friend of mine recently broke her foot. We went out for lunch and while she was hobbling about on crutches, well-meaning passers by stopped her to ask how she had done it. She was able to reply with a slightly smug “Well, I was running cross country…”

I have never ran a race in my life, cross country or otherwise. I am, however, horribly prone to pathetic accidents. Here are my top ten injuries, accompanied by the embarrassing stories of their causes.

10 – The Time I Was Given A Black Eye By A Pizza Box

We are in the kitchen of a student halls. It is very late (or very early, depending on perspective). There is a fairly large group of us sat around the table. We are discussing the ‘hijinks’ of the evening, and prolonging actually having to go to bed. Earlier in the evening, someone had ordered pizza and the empty box still sits on the table. A friend of mine, expressing discomfort at the state of the kitchen, picks up the pizza box and frisbees it. A corner comes into direct contact with my eye. It is surprisingly painful.

9 – The Time I Burnt My Wrist During An Argument

We are, again, in a kitchen. This time it’s the kitchen of a Glaswegian tenement flat and there are only two of us. We are arguing about something we won’t remember later, and I, to show my greater maturity, turn my attention to the dinner in the oven. Halfway through removing the dinner, I turn my attention back to the argument and as a result my wrist comes into prolonged contact with the baking tray. And THAT was YOUR fault!

8 – The Time I Fell Off A Bike Into A Log And Ended Up With Two Black Eyes

We are in the highlands of Scotland, on bikes, in an organised group. I am a grumpy teenager and do not like bikes, or organised groups. It has been raining. The rest of the group cycle gracefully down a slight grassy slope and around the corner. I follow and am thrown off my bike and face first into a log fence while my bike goes gracefully around the corner. I am known as “bruiser” for the rest of the holiday.

7 – The Time I Poured Water From The Kettle On to My Hand

We are chatting while I make a cup of tea. The kettle clicks itself off and I pick it up without pausing the conversation. I miss the mug and instead pour boiling water directly onto my other hand. It has to be wrapped by a doctor. A day later we move house. Bizarrely, I am given the responsibility of making hot drinks for the builders.

6 – The Time I Was Bitten On The Shoulder By A Toddler

We are in a bathroom, in the Alps, in France. I am an au pair and bath time is nearly over. The little girl in the bath stands up and holds up her arms. I lift her. Halfway through the lift, for no discernible reason, the little girl sinks her teeth deep into my shoulder. She breaks the skin and leaves a nasty purple scar. I do not know the French word for ‘bite’.

5 – The Time I Dropped A Knife On My Foot

We are in the kitchen, chopping fruit for a smoothie. I drop the only sharp knife we have and it falls, point down, onto my foot. I pick up the knife and think I have been lucky. I continue with the smoothie making until I realise my sock is wet. I take off my sock and find a lot of blood. I nearly faint.

4 – The Time I Crushed The End of My Finger In A Patio Door

We are late for school and I am outside feeding the guinea pigs. I rush back in and slam the heavy patio door. The door is shut and all is well until I realise my finger is in the hinge. I have to open the door again to get my crushed finger out. We go to A&E and I miss a school trip to the Safety Zone.

3 – The Time I Broke My Wrist Running Down A Slope

We are in the Czech Republic, in a tent, on holiday. We are bored. I throw a football down a neighbouring slope and tell my brother to run after it. He does. He returns and throws the football down again. This time, I run after it. Halfway down, my foot catches and I fall, wrist first, onto the concrete at the bottom. My wrist swells to three times its normal size and we visit Czech A&E.

2 – The Time I Broke My Wrist Tripping Over My Skipping Rope

We are in the playground, in summer. I am annoyed at my five-year-old playmates so I commence a violent circuit of run skipping around the playground. When I reach the snakes and ladders floor mural, I trip over my skipping rope and land on my wrist. I do not complain for a week. It is later confirmed that my wrist is broken.

1 – The Time I Broke My Collarbone Having a Piggyback

We have been out celebrating a friend’s birthday. I have a new boyfriend and new shoes. One of them is hurting my feet, so I ask the other to give me a piggyback. For thirty seconds this is successful, but then I start to slip. Someone in the group gives me a powerful ‘boost’. I fall over the top of the new boyfriend’s shoulders and my collarbone hits the pavement. After meeting me at A&E, my mother forbids me from piggybacks for life.

by Katie Anderson
Katie Anderson is currently studying for an MA in Creative Writing at the University of Manchester. She blogs at www.katieandersonwriter.com and tweets a lot @KtAndersonBlogs. Later this year, she will be getting married to a man in a skirt. (Sorry, kilt).

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  1. […] top ten bizarre, pathetic and humorous ways in which I have injured myself; you’re in luck. Hop on over to the post to read ten (unfortunately) true stories of broken bones, burns, black eyes and […]

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