Interesting Top Ten Lists

Top Ten terrible things my Brother and I did when we were kids

In Terrible Things, Top Ten on January 27, 2012 at 8:43 am

Oh, what a little terror I was when I was little! My parents are constantly reminding me of all the naughty things I have done and my relatives like to share the stories with any newcomers to the family circle. My older brother never seems to get the same treatment, but he had his fair share of naughtiness too!

1. Feeding my mum cat food – Yes, cat food. It was the squishy, smelly, jelly type. I chose a flavour I thought she would enjoy; duck or something posh like that. I thoughtfully put it in one of those plastic cups with a lid and a straw. The delight on her face when I handed her ‘a drink’ was wiped off pretty quickly. I was only four, and yet still feel the guilt.

2. Smashing the utility room door window. Now, this was a joint effort so I cannot take all the credit for this naughty deed. My terrible older brother and I were having an argument one day, and so he thought it would be funny to lock me in the cold and damp utility room. I did not find this particularly funny, and encouraged by the funny faces he was pulling, hit the window over and over again until my fists smashed right through. Our pocket money went towards a new window, of course.

3. Biting my dad for no reason at all. When I was younger, I had sharp teeth that would always be useful in winning a fight with my brother. I liked biting things. It was one of those lovely Sunday mornings and everyone was relaxed and happy. I remember feeling very happy when dad gave me a huge hug. There is nothing like a hug from your dad! And while we sat there, sharing our unspoken fatherly-daughterly love, I opened wide and bit his belly as hard as I could. A lovely moment, ruined forever. And to this day I still ask myself; Why, oh why?

4. Smashing lights. When we got the living room decorated, mum had to go out and buy the most delicate and expensive glass lights to dangle from the ceiling. To be honest, we never liked them anyway, so when my brother jumped up, arms outstretched to scream “YEEESSSSSS!” to celebrate a goal on TV, neither of us were too upset when one of the lights smashed into fragments. Mum was rather upset though.

5. Emptying my au-pair’s perfume bottle. This is what my uncle likes to call ‘The Perfume Episode’, as though it was just another episode in the on-going saga of my naughtiness. It’s not that I didn’t like the au-pair; it was just that on this particular day, she was ignoring me because there were guests in the house. And so I ran upstairs and shamed the whole family by spraying the entire contents of her Chanel perfume all over the landing. As the beautiful aroma wafted down the stairs, I knew I was in BIG trouble. Mum marched me to the shop to buy a brand new bottle out of my birthday money. That’s good parenting – I never did it again!

6. Messing with ghosts from the Beyond. My brother was never into this sort of thing, but one day a couple of his friends managed to persuade him to make an Ouija board. We spent a good couple of hours messing about with a ghost friend we met called ‘Casper’ (Not very original, I’m afraid). This was all very fun when we were playing outside on a sunny afternoon, but things got out of hand in the evening when we chanted ‘The Devil is coming’ ten times in front of a mirror. That night ended up being full of nightmares and tears.

7. Turning the clocks back as an April Fool’s joke. This majorly backfired – I was the biggest fool that day. On the last evening of March, I tiptoed upstairs and turned my mum’s alarm clock back by two hours, so that when her alarm went off the next day, instead of being 7am, it would be 5am. I thought I was so clever, but I wasn’t smiling when mum came into my room the next morning, screaming ‘You’re going to be late for school!’ It wasn’t until I was fully dressed, wiping the sleep from my bleary eyes, that I remembered what I had done the night before! I felt so stupid – it wasn’t until quite recently that I admitted this to anyone!

8. Almost overdosing on my delicious banana flavoured medicine. Yummy, yummy banana flavoured goodness. I couldn’t get enough of it! So one day, when I had my bi-annual ear infection, I climbed up and up and up to perilous heights to the very top shelf of the bathroom cupboard, used my genius bottle opening skills on the useless ‘child-proof’ lid and downed half the bottle. Knowing I had done something terrible, I thought I should warn someone, so I went to my older brother to offer him some. Next thing I knew, mum’s fingers were down my throat making me sick into the sink and I was on my way to A&E.

9. Whoopee cushion fun. Whoever bought my brother one of these fun toys did not know what they were letting themselves in for. He never seemed to get bored of it and one day he took things a bit far. Dad’s boss had come over for a coffee, which was the perfect opportunity for my brother to be his most terrible, and horrify my dad by slipping the whoopee cushion under one of the sofa cushions. How was he supposed to know it would be the place where dad’s boss would sit?

10. The time I was told to walk back to England. When I was younger, we used to go on driving holidays in France. I don’t think I was ever too badly behaved, but there was one time when I was feeling particularly hot and bothered and started complaining about being cooped up for so long. I went on and on and whined and moaned until in the end I was told to get out of the car with my little rucksack and walk back to England. Which I did. I stomped along for about ten minutes until the car came back to collect me. I still believe I could have hitchhiked all the way home if I had wanted to!

It’s true we did some terrible things, but to be honest, I blame the parents – They never should have let us read Roald Dahl!

By Annalisa King

Annalisa is a twenty-four year old cat lover from Nottingham. You can often find her with her nose in a book, or behind a camera.  She likes to write about what she reads on her blog http://bundleofbooks.org/ and you can also find her at http://flustermagazine.com/.

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