Books that are either weird in of themselves, or books where the ownership of them is odd. Presented with sample quotes and commentary.
10. The Twelfth Anniversary Playboy Reader by Various. An incredible compilation of short stories and interviews from the late sixties and early seventies. Includes fascinating conversations with Nabokov, Martin Luther King, short fiction from Matheson and Bradbury.
King: “I should have stayed in prison.”
9. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray. No, I have no idea how or why I have this book. I don’t know where it came from. It just appeared one day. I think perhaps that’s how all households get hold of it.
“This is an example of what can happen when the wave and the rubber band occur around the same time.”
8. Short Stories by William Shakespeare. They are not by him. There is no real author credited. A neighbour gave this book to me. It features each of Shakespeares major dramas turned into short stories. As expected they are terrible.
“Katherine, the shrew, was the eldest daughter of Baptista.”
7. The New Unofficial X-Files Companion by N.E. Genge. An in depth analysis of the third season of the nineties sci-fi horror show. Features absolutely no information of any consequence. Is enough to make even me feel a little nerdy.
6. Angel by Katie Price. An embarrasment of riches. Obviously. The result of an over enthusiastic neighbour learning that I owned books.
“She whispered in a voice full of emotion.”
5. The Science of Self Realisation by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Seriously, why don’t I own two of these?
“I never expressed nor felt disgust at the chanting of the name of Krsna.”
4. The True History of the Elephant Man by Peter Ford. Actually rather brilliant, the inspiration behind the David Lynch film and Alan Moore’s From Hell. Track it down, kill for it.
“As a specimin of humanity, Merrick was ignoble and repulsive; but the spirit of Merrick, if it could be seen in the form of the living, would assume the figure of an upstanding and heroic man, smooth browed and clean of limb, and with eyes that flashed undaunted courage.”
3. Humble Pie by Gordon Ramsey. Neighbour again. Contains arrogance and the following sentence.
“We were used to second hand shit.”
2. The Know by Martina Cole. A weighty tome, with a title that makes little to no sense. The cover has one of those strange photographed covers, with real actors. Possibly so that idiots purchase it thinking there’s a film of it out soon.
“Listen to me Mum, he’s a fucking nonce.”
1. World War 3: A military projection founded on today’s facts by Shelford Bidwell. Predictions from this ex Brigadier General include the idea of spaceships and light-weapons fighting wars for us.
“West Germany is the predestined battlefield of World War 3.”